Granny's 'rules for living'.
About 10 years ago she had a rather unfortunate accident. Their new gardener had come for the first time, and Granny was giving him instructions on what needed doing. Whilst talking to him, she was standing in the doorway, with her hand against the frame about to step back up into the kitchen. Suddenly a gust of wind came from no-where, slamming the door shut and chopping off the end of her little finger. The gardener went a deathly white, and Granny piped up "Are you alright, you've gone very pale?" then "Whilst you are there would you mind passing me my finger?" After an argument between the gardener and Grandpa about who would take her to the hospital, they arrived in A&E with the finger wrapped in ice. The first question she asked was "It still has the nail on it, do you think you could put it back?". Sadly the answer was no, and after a little operation to stitch the severed finger, Granny went home, one finger a little shorter than the rest.
As for the gardener, he came back to continue his duties. When asked about his reaction, Granny replied "Well you do know he was gay. They are a little more sensitive!"
The following are Granny's rules for living - bearing in mind she counts them down on the fingers of her left hand, which makes her giggle every time she gets to rule 5 and her extra short little finger.
- Learn to say no
- Do something that is on your mind
- Take time for yourself every day
- Learn to delegate
- Accept what you can't change
When Granny was a little girl there was a lady in the local shoe shop who only had one hand. This used to bemuse her, as when the lady went to fetch shoes out the box, she would hold them with her stump of her arm. One night during the War she dreamt of this lady. The following morning she spoke to her mother about this, making light of her dream, and imitating the lady from the shop. "You are a wicked girl!" her mother laughed. Suddenly the telephone rang. It was Grandpa calling unexpectedly from North Africa. Calling to tell Granny he had had his hand blown off. Strangely Granny said she was almost expecting it. It was as if her dream had been a warning, so that in some sort of a way she was prepared for the news.
Before the War, Granny used to live in Westgate. She was a bit of a tomboy really, and most of her friends were boys. Out of this group of friends, her 'partner in crime' as she describes him, was a boy called John O. One day, a large group of them set out to have a picnic. Granny sat on the handlebars of John's bike, holding on to the picnic. As they cycled along the cliff edge, John suddenly lost control and they went over the side. Thankfully not the steepest part, but nonetheless the bike went bumping furiously down the side, with Granny still clutching the picnic and desperately attempting not to fall off the bike. When they finally came to a stop in a heap on the ground, with John declaring 'I bet you've broken the eggs', they got back on to their feet, brushed off the twigs, and went to join the others. Granny's wrist was a little sore, but she didn't want to miss out on the picnic. After lunch, the boys, who had brought a pellet gun and a target with them, practised shooting whilst Granny helped pack up. Suddenly a yell was heard, as one of the boys had managed to shoot John in the elbow. They all set off back home, Granny with her sore wrist and John with his sore elbow.
As soon as her parents took one look at her injury, her mother declared "Oh goodness I never thought I'd have these problems with girls! Always in trouble!', whilst her father merely said 'You know you are going to be deformed for life, don't you?'. The next morning they decided it would be wise to go to the hospital and make sure everything was OK. There, sitting in the waiting room, was John with his shot-at elbow!
It turned out that Granny had in fact broken her wrist, but fortunately there was no lasting injury! As for John, he was fine, and their friendship continued until the War...
After that she never heard from him again. He, and 3 others from their group, never came home.
On the topic of friends, Granny had one good girlfriend called Peggy. Peggy used to be totally bemused by Granny, "Bobby, I simply cannot understand it, you have all these boyfriends when you are not at all pretty!".
However, a man in the chemist once said to her "You have such a beautiful smile, you will break so many hearts."
I think the latter is more fitting. (Incidentally, Granny is extremely pretty, and always was, although I must admit, it's that cheeky personality and twinkle in her eye that really makes her who she is!)
Granny has a wonderful poem she used to recite as a little girl:
If no one ever marries me,
And I don't see why they should,
Nurse says I'm not pretty
And I'm seldom very good.
If no one ever marries me,
I wont mind very much,
I'll buy a little rabbit
In a little rabbit hutch.
And when I'm getting very old,
About twenty eight or nine,
I'll buy a little orphan girl,
And bring her up as mine!"
(I have found this on the internet, and for the full version, look at this link. Granny remembers it slightly differently. http://www.nataliemerchant.com/r/leave-your-sleep/lyrics/if-no-one-ever-marries-me)
As a little girl, Granny's mother had an elderly friend who was hard of hearing, so used one of those old-fashioned ear trumpets. Granny was asked to recite her poem to the lady, nice and clearly. So she went up to the trumpet, took a deep breath, and yelled ' IF NO ONE EVER MARRIES ME...'. The poor old lady leapt out of her chair in shock, and Granny was, yet again, in trouble.
